a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
