8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
