Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
