i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
