he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
