and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
