A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
