In the future we'll all be gay
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
