she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
