I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
