After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
