I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
