I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
