Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
