Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
