my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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