Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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