I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
