So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
