Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
