The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
