Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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