Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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