you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
