That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
