I seem to have left my pride at pride
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
