I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the liver wants what the liver wants
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
