i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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