the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
