I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
