apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize