if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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