i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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