I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
