Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
