he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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