At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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