How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
