I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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