if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
