look no pants
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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