Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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