shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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