apparently the secret to your success is patron
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every concussion has its silver lining
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
