Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
