Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
