is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
