my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
