Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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