So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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