also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
