I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
