dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
