The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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