I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Damn victory sex feels great
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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