I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
