I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
