We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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