There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
