Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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