drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
