Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize