I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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