Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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