yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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