I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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