I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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