So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
