please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
