His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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