I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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