I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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