apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize