dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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