Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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