bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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