where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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