wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
