I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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