suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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