That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
