dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
