i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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