My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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