if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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