They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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